I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
