Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My ass is underappreciated
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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