you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
