She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
