you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
