I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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