I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
