the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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