Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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