Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize