We won't sleep together?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
