You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
