Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
