Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He better not be in your backpack
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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