what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
