your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
