I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
