The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
