yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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