did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
