So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize