i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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