They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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