Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
