and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
