I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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