I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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