Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
