OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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