i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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