Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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