the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
