Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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