on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need a beard to bite.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
