You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
