he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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