If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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