I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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