Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
