i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
