3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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