you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
