he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
