I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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