Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize