Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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