Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
