my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
