Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
