My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
