How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
