His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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