dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize