it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my phone needs a breathalizer
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Green mimosas i think yes
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
