My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
