For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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