so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
