smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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