I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
