It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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