Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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