dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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