Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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