i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
